I heard we made out
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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