also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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