I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
