I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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