we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
