all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
