All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize