the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
