dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Come share oat with me in your robe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
