White coat. Heels.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
