If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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