paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
dude. I can hear the air.
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