He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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