Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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