Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
