All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
