i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize