True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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