grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
