It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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