My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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