I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
