the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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