you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
