Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
