i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
