tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
