all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
