your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
