My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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