dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
