You're completely useless in the revolution.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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