i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
tell me about the fingering
Randomize