did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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