when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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