Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
