i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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