using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
