i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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