Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
