i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
