so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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