I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
