just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
