It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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