I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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