I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
