So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
