no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
