you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize