I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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