omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
