I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
