i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
