Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize