I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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