I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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