I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
