In the future we'll all be gay
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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