I think im going to throw up on grandma
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
