He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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