piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
