I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
