After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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