my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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