I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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