I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
