Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You pole danced in your parka.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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