So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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