I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
