If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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