OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
