life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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