ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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