he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
