I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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