there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
