dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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