I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
