I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
