I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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