Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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