Life is so much better after having sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
