i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
