someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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