I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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