dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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