I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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