Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
