Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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