its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
