Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
