this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
