can u get pink eye on your cock?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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