Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
