Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
