Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my being single is dangerous.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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