Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
