I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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