Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
