I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
