fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
