i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
