i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
